my world is gonna stop...

i am not aware..

that slowly you are eating my time..

it was fancy meeting you..

when i least expect it.

there you are smiling at me..

looking at my eyes..

i am melting inside..

inside of me..

there's this happiness..

i jus couldn't explain..

you welcomed me on your world...

i gladly came in..

excited as i can be..

but then as i enter..

there was sadness inside..

i tried to reach ur hand..

tried to make you happy..

i saw a tiny smile..

and made me hopeful..

but then she came...

she was.. the reason...

why you were sad..

and she is also the only reason..

to make you happy again..

i was so stubborn to see..

the real thing that is happening...

i still had my hopes on..

i still tried..

but she was better..

i waited..

and waited...

but then i became tired..

she was and she will always be..

and i never was...

cry if i had to..

laugh if i had to..

think...

sing...

dance...

sleep..

eat..

still..

my heart is still his..

i can't help but ask..

what am i here for??

i had to let him go..

or my world is gonna stop.. 

to realize that they are all gone...

so sadddddddddddddddddddddd...............

they are so far away now.. ;p

all i can do is think of the days they're still close to me..

days that i can easily greet them without any hesitation..

days of bonding..

endless chit-chat about anything under the sun...  

huhuhu!! i feel so empty..

i don't know what i did..

things just happen...

beyond my control..

i guess i hve to let go..

maybe they're happy without me around..

but surely i'll mis them..

they became a special part of me..

 

good bye friend..

 

i'l see u around..

can i greet you?? or can i simply hug u tight..

hmmm..

 

sorry jus dreamin'..  ;p

i have a secret..

waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!

looks lyk i learned my lesson???

but.. i still can't resist.. hahahah!!!!

myb i don't want to resist it anyway?? ;p 

wat to do huh???

waaaaattttt to doooooo???

wahhhh!!;p

 

okay let's pray about it huh?? ;p

i rily wanted to put this into details..

but first i hv to make xur..

if im not mistaken...

 

i don't want anoder used to be??

i don't want anoder wat if's

hahaha!!!

 

i rily wana see..  rily wana try... hahha!!!

 

now do i make sense?? nahhh.. ;p

i wish i had what she had.

hahhaha!!! i realized today...

 i can be as envious as i can be..

yaaayyy.. internet... is not a good thing!!!!

sometimes coz you get to see others

and you sumtyms wonder..

why d hell she have that???

and why d hell i don't have it...!!!!??

eeeiiiii temptations!!!!!

i sometimes wonder if life is really fair to me..??

yes.. i have somethings that some have or some don't ..

and im happy and thankful with what i have..

but sometimes there are things that you cant possibly have..

but still you desire..

maybe they are not planned to be given to you..

or maybe you'll get attached to it...

and eventually forget who gave it to you..

or maybe you'll forget that this world is temporary..

and if you all have it then u may want to stay in it..

then maybe you'll exchange it to your real life in heaven..

or maybe you don't pray for it..

or maybe you don't have enough faith in God..

believing that he'll give you what your heart's desire..

or your intention is bad..

or just maybe you don't work hard for it..

or... im being selfish.. greedy and ENVIOUS..

come to think of it.. hahha ;p

go change ur heart gurl..

it can be as deceiving as it can be.. ;p

did i really lose?

It started with the famous "you stare at me then il catch u staring at me while im staring at you syndrome". I did not mind it at first thinking that it was a mere coincidence plus he's not my type anyway. He's just this typical guy that I wouldn't notice. When i saw him looking at my direction the first time, it kinda felt uneasy and i loose my concentration because that time i was enjoying his stares. But the catch is, I can't posibly be "me" if someone is doing that. In short, i got uber concious of how i look like and etc. But that was supposed to be the end of it. But God put him in my way again. Yes, I'l probably say it was a coincidence again when i had a chance to be with him for this thing that we had to do and had no choice (well if i had a choice that time I wouldn't be changing it coz I'll consider it a blessing). It was okay and that time, it was not a big deal. i had a chance to talk to him and he was cooler than i thought. you see, I like guys who knows how to play with music which is really my thing (though i don't sing that good). and again the staring game began. God had put us again in a place where i can be with him again. Then whenever I will accidently got closer to him than normal like to the extent that our shoulder's are accidentally rubbed with each other, i had these electricity inside me. It was like my heart was floating once again. But my convictions are telling me that this isn't right. My mind has told me to stop this nonsense but I am still asking for more. My heart was shouting and asking him again everytime of the day. I guess i was being played by my emotions again, he was always around where I happened to be around. i am being a kid again!! ;p

i will try to fix you...

sounds familiar??? i heard the song several times but it ddnt struck me so much not until someone in the person of Pastor Ronald Allan Balang played it at upperbox.. it made me cry rmnding me of the upcoming finals.. 

do u evr felt lyk u r so low and u hv nothing to b proud of??

do u evr felt unimportant becoz u think dat u hv nothing to offer??

do u evr felt dat u wana quit and jus go away??

jus lyk the verses of the song...  

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down on your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you 

** i never felt so sad and so happy in my whole life...

i nvr felt peace inside my heart not until now...

it made me cry a lot..

it made me laugh... smile... frown... shout...

i guess it made me whole...

failure is His way of telling me how much He loves me...

how much He cares for me..

i tot being a failure was d end of my life..

but He had a plan..

and He prepared me for a bigger picture that i once took 4 granted..

He took me away frm my comfort zone and brought me to a wondrful place i nvr dreamt of..

yes i am indeed a failure but dat is only today..

for He's not finished wid me yet...

He is stil molding me in2 a wonderful piece dat i couldnt imagine i wil be...

but i shud lern to wait for His perfect wil and tym...

i shud endure the pain for den i will gain...

i shud put my all to Him.. for He gave his life for me..

i shud not be ashamed for He is proud of me..

i shud b not b weaken for He is my strength..

i know that His light will guide me home...

he doesn't

God again put me in a situation wer i'l be seeing him.. i'l be talking to him... and etc.. but then God made me again realize that it's not yet time.. He was just testing my heart if i'l be giving in again.. to temptations.. yes i did give in to it.. i entertained the feeling inside of me.. i like d feeling of being in that position.. it was like playing a game.. where i play hide and seek.. it's a a happy feeling that sum1 is jus beyond d corner.. fantasies and imaginations.. it's was like i was flying again.. floating as i walk on the hallways of my illusions.. now im confused.. he is confusing me... giving me signs that leading me to nowhere.. haiii .. it was jus a reminder from God that i have to be happy wyl waitin'.. He knows wats best for me.. H has aperfect plan for me.. he knows my weakness.. He knows my limitations.... He know the real me when im alone... in His time I'll make Him proud of me.. in his time.. i'll be matured enough.... i'll be strong enough.... so i won't rush into danger zone... i'll juschill out.. do my thing and suceed in it.. then i won't even notice the time will fly.. and before i know it.. i will be my turn.. so go and make my heart sleep... wake me up til then...  

day dreams

i wanted it so badly...

so i asked him to give it to me...

i ddn't take "no" for an answer...

so he decided to jus kip quiet..

i put my armor jus in case i needed them..

then went off to battle...

i saw it coming..

and i jus couldn't hide my smile..

it felt so good...

it felt so right...

slowly it took off my defenses...

but i ddn't even protest...

i heard i tiny voice from a distance..

but i was so into it...

he said don't...

but still i touched it...

it was too hot to handle..

i burned...

and before i knew it...

it took me by surprise..

it pinched me so hard..

that i couldn't breathe..

i tried to resist it..

but then it penetrated on my heart already...

i felt so helpless..

i felt so alone...

then i saw a light from a distance...

asking me to come there..

i tried to walk but my feet is aching..

he offered his hand..

and i hesitantly grabbd it...

it felt warm and good..

he huggd me tight...

it felt love...

i was out there looking for it..

but then i returned to the one who gave it...

letting the ball roll..

1:51pmAniah

dme s bgy n u dont easily notice the importance anuh??

1:51pmMark Jason

now u know -paquiao

1:54pmAniah

kua pd mgtnung ng mga bagay n alm kuh ang sgot kia lng auqo maniwala dhil gs2 ku p din umasa?????

hhahahaha ang jologs!!!!!

1:55pmMark Jason

sure

1:55pmMark Jason

ahh.. cge cge

is it very complicated?

or..

1:56pmAniah

hahhhaa

1:56pmMark Jason

mayb jus a simple doubt?

or..

1:56pmAniah

actuali my problem is not dat complicated kxo lng pinapakomplikado ku lng... tpos aku din mhhrpan..

1:57pmMark Jason

uhmmm.. all wild fires started from a single spark..

1:58pmAniah

ang deep peru tinamaan aku nian ahh?

1:58pmMark Jason

but thats true

1:58pmAniah

kua bkit ang boys nambo2la?

ouch sapul aku

1:58pmMark Jason

its our nature.. to impress girls..

courtship.. its a part of a strategy..

1:59pmAniah

bkit wnt to impress so many girls???

1:59pmMark Jason

but actually its not good..

1:59pmAniah

bkit hnd n lng isa at isa lng

2:00pmMark Jason

by nature.. ang lalake ay hnd contento.. or hnd makuntento..

2:00pmAniah

22o b yan or it is jus a lame excuse???

2:01pmMark Jason

maybe they found the coffe powder.. and look for the sugar and thecream..

gets mo?

2:01pmAniah

i stil dnt undrstnd men or perhaps boys

2:01pmMark Jason

mataas ang pride ng mga lalaki

2:01pmAniah

but girls are willing to give up other things thinking the guy is also willing to..

gets ku ;p

2:02pmMark Jason

thats y u hav to know the guy first..

patience is really important..

2:02pmAniah

but ur saying this things in a general way meaning all men are the same

2:04pmMark Jason

by nature... to be humble enuf to accept the fact..

my answer is yes..

2:04pmAniah

ehh how can i trust a guy like hat

like that?

bka 4evr n kung single.

harhar

2:04pmMark Jason

do not trust that much..

if thats the will of God...

2:05pmAniah

i am a certified nbsb it is corny but i am proud...

harhar

2:05pmMark Jason

may nanliligaw b seu?

2:05pmAniah

i let them go...

2:06pmMark Jason

"them"??

2:06pmAniah

harhar

hnd nmn sabay2 n nanligaw

but im pertaining to guys n nanligaw sken... nuon at ngeun

2:06pmMark Jason

ahh ok.. alam ko yan..

2:06pmAniah

hehe

2:06pmMark Jason

anong na observ mu?

2:06pmAniah

jus recently... i met this jerk hahaha wat a term..!!!

to think n wla p kung ngging bf eh nha heartbroken n ku...

wat more if i sadi "yes" e d lalo n

2:08pmMark Jason

thats y u shud wait for a Christian man..

2:08pmAniah

myb God is gving me so much time to alone and single..

hahah!!! i met christians... atleast i think they are.. hahhaa

i think men are the same ke christian man o hnd...

2:08pmMark Jason

ther are wolves pretending to be sheeps..

and when they get what they want... its too late for u to discover they r wolves..

hnd dapat pareho...

2:09pmAniah

i think evry guy has his hidden wolf inside even if he is a christian

2:10pmMark Jason

yah..

2:10pmAniah

ang hirap nmn....

2:10pmMark Jason

a God fearing man..

2:10pmAniah

haiiii

;p

but still i am thankful to God for always opening my eyes...

2:11pmMark Jason

yah...

2:11pmAniah

but i pray na wg nmang mxdong open dhil lht mkkta ku.. bka mgsawa n kuh...

2:11pmMark Jason

bka hnd mu pa tym para mgka bf..

or commitment..

2:12pmAniah

that's the sad part... myb it's not yet tym...

and myb i can't commit the same way he can't

Mark Jason

its not a sad part... thats y God gave us patience... 1 of the fruits of the spirit..

na wla sa iba na non belivers

whats the rush?

2:13pmAniah

hahaha!!!

that's easy to say..

but that's hard kua... im jus as normal as others...

2:14pmMark Jason

it takes faith...

ur not like others...

we are diffrnt...

remember..

2:15pmAniah

yah... sumtyms i wonder what if i am jus like the others... myb it will b easy unlike now..

2:15pmMark Jason

we hav sumthin that they do not hav.. thats why we need to share sumthing...

yur not sure about yur faith?

2:16pmAniah

thanks huh....

shud i avoid him n??? as in avoid??

2:17pmMark Jason

no...

he shud know ur diffrnt..

that ur not an easy girl like others..

2:18pmAniah

how kua??

2:18pmMark Jason

as believer's weakness can become a sinner's fortress..

uhhmm...

be as a normal person..

wag mu lang sskyan ang mga pambbola nya

2:20pmAniah

hnd b mgnda n iavoid kuh n lng xa kxe bka mabola nia lng aku ng 2luyan nian ehhh

2:20pmMark Jason

i know its not easy... but thats a test of faith..

bakit natatakot kang mahulog sa kanya?

2:20pmAniah

oo..

isang malaking oo

2:21pmMark Jason

is he a christian?

2:22pmAniah

i think no

2:22pmMark Jason

if thats the case..who has Jesus.. you or him?

2:23pmAniah

me ofcorz..

2:23pmMark Jason

then u a so fearful...?

2:24pmAniah

heheh!!!

2:24pmMark Jason

wher is thy faith?

2:24pmAniah

lumalayo lng aku s pnganib while i still can...

2:24pmMark Jason

wher is God in times of doubt?

2:24pmAniah

hehhe

dont u think God is asking me to avoid him kia nreveal nia sken ung dpt kung mlaman?

2:25pmMark Jason

instead of avoiding him... why dont u plant a seed

2:26pmAniah

ok ok

im out of excuses

2:26pmMark Jason

maybe thats y ur ther

2:26pmAniah

nkupo....

ang hirap nian ahhh

2:26pmMark Jason

to share?

ur a VBS teacher.. ryt?

2:27pmAniah

opo...

;p

im used to share God to people n wlang malisya....

2:28pmMark Jason

reject his none sense deeds... then plant a seed..

2:28pmAniah

like gurls ang lil boys but not people like him

2:28pmMark Jason

thats the purpose of the gospel.. to heal the blind ..

2:28pmAniah

ok

;p

thanks ahhh

ang sarap muh kausap kua

pra kng youth pastor

uyyyy i rang a bell

2:29pmMark Jason

take it vey seriously... wat if he dies.. and ur the last Christian that he knew?

2:29pmAniah

ouch ang skit sapol aku...

ok il strt now.. but first i hav to clear myself.. i hav to b redy...

2:30pmMark Jason

hmm.. maybe ur the last to share..

u are equipped..

u just ahve to use it

2:30pmAniah

i was to selfish thinking only of myself... not realizing that...

2:30pmMark Jason

but it takes courage to share the gospel..

2:30pmAniah

;p

thanks thanks

2:31pmMark Jason

maybe thats why God doesnt allow u yet to hav a commitment..

u hav to pass the test

first