just trying..

I tried to forget your existence but every time I hear your voice it makes me long for more. I don’t know why I always seek your attention. I don’t know why I always wanted to stare at your face. I felt a sudden happiness just by looking at you. I always ask us myself “why? Why am I like this?” Why is it that every time I don’t see you it felt so empty? Why am I addicted to you? I wanted to avoid you but every time I tried to, it felt so horrible. It felt like I am so weak. Why am I allowing this to happen? Surely I will just hurt myself. For sure, one wants to be hurt. But why am I gambling my heart just to have your attention. I am nobody to you. I can not prove anything to you. I don’t look like the girl you fantasize. You don’t look either. But why, why can’t I control my feelings? I am so vulnerable. I am so afraid. I am so naive. Can somebody take this heart and never bring it back to me? It beats so wrong. As if it has a mind of its own.