i am trying to take control of myself

"i am in the process of convincing of myself not to fall in love again..."

i know im not that stupid..,, but i am imagining myself again crying on stupid things, i know im better off without..,, why is it that whenever you try to be clever..,, you will just end up following your emotions..,, why is it that you know the right thing to do..,, the right thing to think..,, the right thing to feel,, but you end up falling.. really fast.,,, and before you know it.,, you can not stop it anymore..,, in the end..,,, am i going to ask myself again..,, why have i done? why did i alllow somebody to hurt me and to hurt him in return.. why am i so blind and deaf?

the battle between what i really wanted and what is the right thing to do is now starting to explode.., on my entire being..,,,

i need Jesus.. the bestfriend i had since the day i was born..,, i know this is a trial.,, i need to win this.,,., i will try to prove to myself that i learned my lesson..,,

i have to make myself busy..,,

i have to ignore the feeling..,,

i have to convince myself..,,

,,,,,,,,....before it's too late...

it's now or never!!!!!

To him that makes me feel so weak... "are you trying to kid on me? if you will win,, is that what you called happiness? can you put a wall between you and me so that i can not feel your existence? why am i so mad at you? i don't know.. maybe i am not really mad at you.. or maybe i am just being fooled by my own emotion.. or maybe i will be happy anyway..is it with or without you"

i can not speak for forever..,, i will just eat my words..,, i don't know what to do..,,